Homeschooling is Neither “Home,” Nor “Schooling.” Discuss

A misleading name fosters myths about a promising practice

In the classic SNL bit “Coffee Talk,” Mike Meyers plays Linda Richman, who is famous for declarations such as: “Milli Vanilli is neither a Milli, nor a Vanilli. Discuss."

That reminds me of homeschooling. Homeschooling is neither “home,” nor “schooling.” Discuss.

The practice of homeschooling suffers from so many misconceptions, and part of the problem stems from its lousy name. The name misleads more than it illuminates. Sure, some practitioners do hew closely to the image the name evokes.

They operate at home and “school” their children. But countless families embark on the homeschooling journey in ways that have little to do with what the term “homeschooling” suggests.

Let’s consider the “home” part of the term.

Imagine, just you and your kids staring at each other.

At home.

All day!

That myth feeds another common myth, that homeschool kids aren’t properly socialized. You can see how someone who concocts a picture of kids sitting at the kitchen table staring at mom or dad all day would also assume that homeschool kids won’t know how to deal with other humans in the real world.

And yes, homeschooling families do spend some time educating their kids at home, but education doesn’t just happen at home. For many homeschool families, education happens in many locations—at home, but also at co-ops, clubs, churches, meet-ups, parks, friends’ houses, on field trips, and more.

My wife and I homeschool our son and on a typical week his homeschooling happens at home, at a farm school, a Christian homeschool co-op, at friends’ houses, at church, and at jiu jitsu. And even when homeschool kids are at home, their locations are hardly fixed. They might read on the couch, try a new recipe in the kitchen, or build a fort in the yard.

Like many homeschooling parents, we want our son to see education as something that happens everywhere, not just at home or some boxy building we call “school.” Likewise, education shouldn’t be bound by time. It doesn’t just happen between the hours of 8am and 2:30. And I’m not talking about “teachable moments.”

My friend

Lenore Skenazy

has helped me realize how parents’ myopic obsession with shoehorning “lessons” into their kids’ lives often sabotages the natural learning that happens when kids are forced to figure out awkward or unpleasant situations on their own.

The homeschooling parents I know want their kids to love learning for its own sake, not just to get a good grade or get into Stanford. The more kids equate learning with “doing time,” the more likely they are to shut their brains off when the school day ends.

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Now let’s have a look at “schooling.”

For most of us who went to public school, “schooling” happens when a grown up stands in front of a bunch of same-age kids and teaches them a prepared lesson in a classroom.

Some parts of my son’s typical week reflect some of that description, but most of his week bears little resemblance to traditional schooling. And although some homeschool parents aim to recreate the classroom environment at home—right down to those familiar wooden desks—they often loosen up over time.

But my family’s approach is a common one for homeschoolers. For my son, education happens one-on-one between him and an adult (often your truly), or with a teacher and a mixed-age group of kids, with kids and no adults, via a language tutor on iTalki, by himself with a book, with an app, or a YouTube channel like Minute Earth, and so on.

Many parents balk at homeschooling because they don’t think they’re equipped to teach their kids. There’s a lot embedded in that assumption, but for now I’ll focus on one part of it.

Homeschool parents typically function less like an elementary school teacher and more like a general contractor or head coach. They create the vision—often it’s one that highlights the “what,” but leaves lots of experimentation for the “how.” Then they focus on quality control.

Some homeschool parents are more hands-on than others, but their main goal isn’t to educate their kids. It’s to ensure that their kids are being educated properly. As you’ve probably already gathered, my wife and I employ a hybrid model. When it comes to some subjects (such as math), we’re hands on. But we outsource other subjects to other adults, our son, kids, and technology.

And often a homeschool parent’s role is similar to that of a curator. You look around and gather elements — books, experiences, movies, videos, games, and so on — that will help your family achieve its educational goals.

Of course there’s another reason, so many homeschool parents bristle at the term “schooling.” It signals indoctrination. Too often schooling means agreeing with the administration’s worldview, and embracing new fads, whether they make sense or not.

I’m not sure what a suitable replacement for the misleading “homeschooling” term would be. Maybe “personalized education”? But anyhow, it’s probably too late for rebranding.

That means that my family, like so many others, is stuck with a bad name for a very promising practice.